Gravey Road Real Estate

Disclaimer:
This letter is a fictional story. It is not based on any actual people or events

May 16, 2008
The Stupid Sellers
11 GRAVEY Road
Framingham, MA 01701

Dear Sir / madam,
The home inspection of 11 Gravey Road took place on May 12, 2008 and highlighted a SHIT LOAD of issues that we, as ASSHOLES, were keen to RUB in your FACE. Those of most concern were:
- Piss leaking from the master throne shitter into the garage below. Why else would it be a yellow spot?
- Flood from the cheap steel elbow of the mains water supply into the basement. Crappy wiring almost electrocuted us. See last point.
- Varying degrees of maintenance required to both chimney stacks, so we don’t freeze our IMPORTANT asses off during the winter, in case the antique GAS FURNANCE breaks down like the AC system (see paragraph below)
- Electrical work required for GFCI protection compliance. We are buying a house, not the electrocution chamber at Sing Sing or Rykers Island.
We understand that you, as the STUPID Sellers, would like us to acknowledge that we are happy to continue with the purchase of the property without further BULLSHIT demands.
This letter therefore confirms that we can BARELY AFFORD to buy 11 GRAVEY Road in the shitty state reported at the time of the home inspection for the debatable price of $ To Be Determinded, that’s why we continue to rub the defects in your face. This does not include the air conditioning system, which we so STUPID, we didn’t know how to test at the time of the home inspection – we would simply DEMAND that you represent and warrant that the system is in PERFECT working order IMMEDIATELY. We are also awaiting the results of the radon tests, which would of course need to be below the 4 pCi/L level recommended by the EPA and the Surgeon General to avoid further BALLBUSTING.
Naturally, you will be HELD responsible for the proper maintenance of the future castle of the King and Queen of Framingham up to and including our scheduled closing date of June 27th 2008, unless we cant UNLOAD our existing dump of a home to a STUPID buyer.

Sincerely and Screw You,
M. Jackass
Asshole Husband

C. Jackass
Asshole Wife